I’m feeling all sorts of emotions over the past couple of days, and there’s one thing to blame for this- back to school season. (Be warned, this may get a bit candid…)
I’m really, really lucky in that I am able to remain home to take care of Luca. My district’s contract allows for a mom to take up to two years of maternity leave. My time is unpaid, of course, and they don’t cover insurance, but at the end of (up to) two years, I am able to return to my contract with the district. I may not return to the same position- they’ll assign me wherever they need me, but I will have a job to return to when I finish my maternity leave.
I had initially taken off time for last fall’s semester and then later extended it for the full school year. Tom and I talked a LOT about what our next move would be, and after much discussion, we decided it was best for our family to extend my leave.
I have a lot of different feelings about this. First, and most importantly, I am so happy. I had/have horrible anxiety about putting Luca in day care, and I’m relieved that we don’t have to cross that bridge right now. I’m also, obviously, thrilled that I am able to stay home to care for my son. Luca’s at a great age where he is starting to really enjoy activities, and I think we will find lots of fun things to do together this fall.
I also have a lot of guilt over staying home- for various reasons. Guilt that Tom must work even harder to support our family, guilt that I am “supposed” to be working (by society’s standards), guilt that I ‘got what I wanted’, guilt that I’m not providing financially for our family, guilt for feeling guilty… the list goes on.
It’s no surprise that our society does not necessarily encourage women to stay home to raise their children. I don’t want to go off on a tangent about this, but it’s definitely something that I’m dealing with right now.
Do I miss teaching?
That’s a loaded question.
For all of my colleagues reading, yes, I miss teaching. I miss seeing you all every day!
Do I miss teaching? Truthfully? While I don’t necessarily miss the stress and the mounds of paperwork, I do miss the art of teaching, my colleagues and I do miss the students.
All in all, I think I am exactly where I should be right now- at home with this guy: